New Start
Well today I am going to that new Chiropractor for an assessment on what my spine looks like and so forth. I should be getting dressed up soon so I will do that and see what the day holds. Surprisingly enough my back hips have been doing REALLY well these past 3 days-isn’t that always the case? Your body KNOWS it has to be looked at by a professional and it acts like nothing ever happened! haha AS IF! Anyways, I hope to find out more about what has been the cause of my soreness in my neck and my pain in the back area!!
Other than that, today is also a fresh start on eating HEALTHY all the way! I have been letting myself enjoy the pleasures of eating anything I want, and whereas it isn’t all that much, it has been more frequent than I care to admit! I have been liberal in drinking pop (a killer for me because it bloats me up fast and I get addicted faster!), liberal in eating whenever I want, even late at night like midnight, which for me is also deadly. Also, not really focusing on smaller portions or veggies. So you see, I am not eating like a pig, but because I am doing it all over the place and not keeping up the water in take or the veggie in take (the 2 crucial elements!), I am feeling bloated and blah! 2 really stinky feelings.
Even though the whole gym thing has been going good, I want it to start working for me so that I can build muscle tone for once! I am not relying on that to keep my weight where it is because ironically enough, I lost the 30 pounds in 2 years without exercising! Go figure…and more ironically enough, I lost it without dieting-yup…for me, all I had to do was eat smaller portions, don’t eat late, and be sure to have a stable amount of veggies and nuts in my diet with no less than 5 glasses of water a day. That worked out better than trying to stop eating bad foods and taking supplements (herbal) to curb my appetite. I have been maintaining my 125-130 weight range for about a year now and that has been a great place to be. The last I checked myself out, I was 128 pounds-so still in the frame, but a few days ago I saw that I was 130 pounds.
Ok, a few years ago I wouldn’t have been worrying about being 130 pounds since I have always fought my weight within the 140s to my most highest, 155 pounds. But since I have been at a very healthy weight of 125 for a while, the whole 128 wasn’t a big deal…that is only 3 pounds which can be water or salt..but now add on 2 MORE pounds and it is a red flag for me. You know why? Because when 2 more pounds creep up, then 3 more happen, then 4 more happen and then voila, right back to that low point and high weight! Honestly, when you don’t have to worry about your weight problems, you can literally live a different life. Weight can be a huge crutch and it shouldn’t be, but I know what it is like to feel that way.
Which is why I get annoyed when people say, “What do you know about a weight problem, you are “skinny”!!”-BELIEVE ME, you don’t have to be 300 pounds to know the feelings of depression, anxiety and insecurity. Even though my highest weight in my life was 155 (which to most people is still an excellent weight), for me, I could have been 250 pounds, it wouldn’t have made the difference. My struggles with my self image and weight started when I was VERY young and in the surroundings of girls who were always 20 pounds lighter than me, 2 bra sizes smaller than me and a good foot shorter than me!
Basically my point is, I don’t want to lose that control because weight is such a hard thing to put your hand over. Especially when you are an emotional eater like myself…I have sat back and wondered why I am going on a very liberal pattern of eating (including eating out), and why I am feeling paranoid that I will gain back my weight. I think it is because I am around the house more, I have more time and time can be a killer when it is around. During this past year, my head has been wrapped around school and teaching, with eating coming third. Now, I don’t have to think about that and have been passing my days pretty casually. Albeit, I don’t eat like a pig, but I think I snack more than I should and have eaten more than I should when my mom cooks up an excellent handful of dishes. Honestly, these are easy things to fix and that is what I am going to do.
When I eat too much sugar or have too much fats in my diet, my face tells me right away-I get more breakouts which take longer to disappear and THAT is annoying! I also feel overly full with a few points of my stomach almost stretching too much on the inside. These are my indicators. Usually my clothes are because I don’t rely on the scale, but since I haven’t been gaining TONS of weight, I am fitting in the just fine, but in 5 more pounds, my clothes are gonna start showing some belly.
And, I made sure t0 get rid of all my “fat” clothes so that I never have that comfort of knowing I will always have something to wear no matter WHAT weight I am. Actually, I have abolished the thinking of, “well if I get this size now, I have to think if I can fit in to it in 3 months” meaning…if it will be tighter. That is how I used to buy my clothes back then-based on weather I could fit in to them in half a year. That has all since changed and I don’t fret about what size I am anymore, but I do fret about the weight devil trying to invade my body.
So this is another day..a Monday at that..the start of the week where I will be making sure to lose the pop drinking, find the water bottles and use them, be consistent with my vitamins, even MORE consistent with my working out, lose out on the snacking (and if I have to, it will be carrots and nuts…the usual), and find more veggies in my plate, lose out on the late night snacking and find my way to reading a book or watching Tv. Oh yeah, and whatever happened to REAL sugar? Fruit??
Realistically I DO want to have something sweet or not great for me every now and then…perhaps every night. I think that people should be allowed something extra every night as a reward for getting through the day. Except in my case, that cannot be chocolate…so perhaps a handful of jelly beans, or some gummy bears (and not those sugary ones, but the real fruit ones), maybe a granola bar (but not the ones with chocolate chips in them), or some air popped corn with butter and salt. These are all the things I have done anyways, so it isn’t like I am going on a diet which is always as scary as it sounds. I can’t take the weight I have now for granted, but I can’t take myself for granted and think it won’t come back on…because my body type is one that will take FOREVER to loose but take 14 minutes to gain! 
So this is my life…women and weight…it never ends does it? But the choices we make never do either…and I have made that choice to get back on track with myself and keep working on my habits. Therefore, no more restaurant food for me as well-lol. I think that has jump started my cravings because restaurant food is SO darn good, and though I don’t go ALL the time..the food is still a little much for me anyways-and I cannot justify spending money on a salad that costs less to make at home. lol
Off to a new start….or a renewal of sorts….here’s to taking better care of myself and continuing to listen to my insides when something is not quite right (I tell ya, it is a definite GIFT to have that! lol)
Cheers… with my glass of water! 
