Remember Me???
Yikes…my last past in here was over 2 MONTHS ago…wow has time changed! I was still doing the gym here and there, but mostly there..and then eventually I just stopped everything because of school. I thought I could do the gym a few nights a week or on weekends, but school soaked up ALL of my time, and by the end of the day,who the heck wanted to lose MORE energy on equipment-I was already doing that on Grade 2 kids!! ha.
So now I am back..back with a quest-to find the good health and keep it up-at least until the weather holds out. I am just shocked at the awesome weather we have been having…who knew that the fall would be better than summer???
I have also noticed that my water drinking has been minimal..next to nothing…I stopped taking my Colloidial Silver and have gotten really lazy with my vitamin taking. NOT GOOD! I alssssssso have not been lazy enough with my random snacking on whatever I could find-and eating at odd hours. This has been going on pretty consistently for the past month at least…
Then I would be eating whatever junk I could get-not to mention the Halloween stuff too…veggies were not really a part of my diet, nor was water or real food…it has mostly been pop, chocolate, candies…whatever…and then I wondered WHY. Well, it has all been due to stress-I thought I was eating a bit more because of the full moon..or my upcoming period…but nope..stress.
As the past month got harder and more upsetting with my practicum, I turned more to food for comfort-but not even real food…snacks…whatever was around. As a result, my face has had more small breakouts than usual-I blame the pop..even drinking Coke and Pepsi which I rarely do until now…the problem with sodas and me is that once I start drinking them at least a few days in a row, I become addicted..and that isn’t good for me at all.
My clothes haven’t fit me any tighter, but I have felt more bloated…and when that happens, my brain plays tricks on me…I get worried that my lack of healthy eating will catch up to me-and it always does..10 pounds later out of the blue.
Stress has also caused me to chew off my nails..and get more upset and slightly depressed. When that happens to me, I tend to take it all out on myself.
I have had to put the most BRAVEST of faces on in these past 3 months-I faught a battle that I was slated to lose right from the start…I was beaten and pushed down but had to try to get on my feet-even going BACK to school after knowing that things would not change-going back to test myself out and TRY to make it to the finish line, when all the while people were there waiting to dig the hole that I would fall down in.
Yes, I am still mad…I am still bitter…it really hurts me to know that everyone will be making the finish line in a week, and I will only be watching them. I mean, I am happy for my friends who will be graduating this year-but it only means that I won’t be…next year I will be with totally different people…
It honestly feels weird for me to be SUPER busy-8am-1:am every single night to just having more time on my hands…a lot more time. Yes, I can sleep in more and stay up a bit later-I can also relax and focus more on my work and now, my health…but that isn’t what I wanted. I wanted to work work work and FINISH the degree this year…I wanted to make it just as badly as anyone else…and now I have been cut off at the knees, thrown in to the water with a cement block and told to swim…and you know, I just haven’t taken it well.
Maybe that is why I have felt more depressed-upset, bitter…and have taken it out on myself. I even had to change my appearance and downsize EVERYTHING about myself to “fit in” with the school-but in the end, I just lost the meaning of who I was.
But that is ok..because I have dealt with all of that, and yes, I will still be hurt and sad at what has happened-but I cannot continue to take it out on myself physically and mentally…my nails will grow back…I will start taking my vitamins and CS every morning….and I will focus on getting my physical health back too-go to the gym before work…and do it at least 3-5 times a week…especially now since the weather is good…
And throw in some GOOD eating-I will go back to my 4-6 glasses of water a day-and be sure to always snack on something HEALTHY! No more late night eating or random snacking on crappy food.
In fact, I have my workout gear ready to go for tomorrow…I will head to the gym before work and just get back on the bike for about 30-40 minutes. I will snack on my carrots and sugarsnap peas whenever necessary and be sure to start off my day with a yogurt..now that I don’t have to be up SOOOOOO early, it is more than likely that I will be up before noon-so I gotta eat light and then have a decent meal when I get home from work.
I gotta bring back the old Lisa..the one that always had something good to say and lots of fun saying it…and the one who would force herself to eat vegetables….
So I am back…in more ways than one…and this blog should be happening too 
